I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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