so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
