Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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