hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
vagina is talking i cant
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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