Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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