Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
