Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
