I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
