He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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