history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
