Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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