My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
