I want to have your abortion
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
