The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
