Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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