Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
