I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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