My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
