DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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