get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
