Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
