Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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