So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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