There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
