My hair reeks of homosexuality.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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