very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He passed out mid-signature
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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