Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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