It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
