How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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