I accidentally burped into my bong.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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