"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
