So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
