Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
