Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
