this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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