Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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