Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
