I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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