dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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