Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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