My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I pour the whiskey from now on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
