Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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