I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
