dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize