..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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