Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
