i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
