six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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