shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
