i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
