i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
